Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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