the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
