I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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