Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize