Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
