He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
