New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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