Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
