I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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