I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
