Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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