its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
