Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
