I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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