My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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