Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
