I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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