Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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