i was born a porn star she said
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
