Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
