meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
