I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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