If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
