Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
