i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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