my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ttyl tear gas
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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