One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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