i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every concussion has its silver lining
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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