I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
