He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
