he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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