Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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