"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
