she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
