Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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