C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
