Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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