Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
