My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
