I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
