Don't you send me to vm
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
