I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do vagina's smell?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize