I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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