He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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