a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
