i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
