do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
