If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
