dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
