It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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