He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
