You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
