Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it penis luge time yet?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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