so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
