erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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