ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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