TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
