Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
