So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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