Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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