Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
