I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
