we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize