Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
