i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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