I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
