i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
