your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
