Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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