Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The beer is more important than you right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
