i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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